Basically birthdays in January suck…I don’t recall ever enjoying one…wow I sound like a misery don’t I? that’s not to say that I never do anything or get anything nice…just more often than not I sit in eating left over tins of quality streets, watching re-runs and cursing the weather.

I don’t recall any birthday before I was 7…how bad is that, I’m pretty sure I had them, possibly I blocked them from my memory and that’s where the hate started?

My 7th.(or 1st) birthday my Mum told me I was going to MacDonalds…I remember being very excited, it meant a trip into town (which I didn’t do very often) and of course a happy meal!…as my Mam walked me down to the bus stand she turned and walked into the local pub, The Wharton (Old school Coundoners will remember it before it became a house) my stomach sank…I could hear people shuffling around inside the pub…and spotted the face of Paul one of my friends at the window…it was a party, until that moment I don’t think I’d ever realised just how much I detest being the centre of attention, I felt bad for my Mam…alot of effort had gone into arranging it but I couldn’t do anything to contain my upset and cried in the corner for the duration…I never did get that happy meal.

Safe to say no more surprise parties were arranged after that, another fact that will probably make you think I’m odder than you possibly do already is that I don’t like birthday cake…never have, not sure if it’s the gordy, sticky icing or the dry sponge with what appears to be shaving foam in the centre…possibly a combination of the two I think, as a result I never got the whole getting sung too and blowing your candles out routine…this may go some way to explaining why I get uncomfortable with it when people insist on doing it at work  in front of a crowded office.

What else…oh yeah January, what a miserable month to have a birthday, it’s cold, no one wants to go out and even if they did they are all penniless after Christmas. also (although I’ve not had this happen in some time) I used to get awesome presents for Christmas only to feel utterly let down as I was told…that’s for your birthday too, I understand presents are expensive and as an adult I can totally see the sense but please if you have children born late December/January…don’t do it! when you’re young you don’t hear…this cost £xxx amount…you simply hear ‘for your birthday you’re getting…nothing’.

Reading that back I can’t help but worry that I sound a tad bitter, I’m not honestly, I’m thankful I don’t get cake, and especially parties, my main issue and the one that I just can’t seem to stop is the insistence from people who think that unless I’m out celebrating I’m not having fun, If I want to go out I will…honestly, I’m not staying in to hide from the world and pretend I’m not aging…Arrrrggghhh! I’m staying in because it’s bloomin’ cold, I too am broke and I’d just much rather watch a film, eat a take away and drink wine with some good company.

First real rant of the year…that feels better.

Love, me

x

Maybe you’ll finally be pleased to hear me report some progress, since the last time I  about getting fit (P90x) I have actually lost about 20lb and it’s been almost without trying!

First things first…the initial weight loss was over a 2 month period so it’s not as extreme as it may sound…and I’ve maintained the same weight for about 2 months so far …all I’ve done is replace rice/pasta/bread with wholemeal…I make all of my own sauces for meals rather than using jars (you wouldn’t believe how much sugar is in those) and I try to just eat soup for my lunch at work…saves the pounds in your pocket as well as around the waistline. Portion control  really is a key factor too…I still eat takeaways (possibly too often) but I don’t try to eat the whole thing…once over I would have easily polished off a whole curry, bhaji, naan and all…now I pretty much half everything…at first it was still hungry but now I actually get full before I finish! finally my stomach has gone back to an acceptable size (such a gannet).

As well as trying to eat a bit more healthily I try and get out for a run when I can…unfortunately my severe dislike of the cold and love for warm places and bad TV have hindered this over the winter but I’m heading back out in the morning and hopefully it’s going to become a regular thing again…so if you see me looking sweaty and awful around the Mowden area tomorrow I apologise, It’s my first run in weeks (excuses) just give me a little encouragement…I’ll need it.

Long ramble short…eat less, exercise more, now why didn’t anyone else think of that?

x

I said yes to party invites I may have normally tuned down…and found that I had a fab night, I agreed to do the Great North Run (this is still to happen but I’m game!) I even said yes to a date  with a delightful chap  from work…three months later we’re still together so that was something I’m very pleased I said yes to!

Watch this space for me saying yes to more things…just dont ask me to do anything I would class as ‘dodgy’…I’m feeling positive…not stupid, thank you.

x

It’s a weird feeling when you finally realise that  you’re only doing things to please others and you yourself are infact unhappy. This happened to me around August last year, I’d felt down for a while but blamed work, my living situation…basically anything but myself.

The turning point was actually hearing that someone liked me, how ridiculous is that?…I mean I’d been in a relationship for over three years so I should have already felt that someone liked me in that way…right? well that is exactly the thought that went through my mind, and sadly I realised I didn’t feel that I was liked or appreciated and hadn’t felt that way for a very long time, so why was I still in this stagnant relationship?…simply because it  was convenient?…things had to change.

It was very hard ending the relationship, not because I had doubts about if I was doing the right thing…mainly because I had been there before, on a couple of occations and was always guilted into staying…not really a valid reason to continue  seeing someone so I decided this was the last time.

You wouldn’t believe the weight that was lifted from my shoulders afterwards, I knew I needed to change things but had no idea that I would feel so much better for doing so, for the first time in a very long time I was happy…and excited about the future.

The next couple of months was tough, I was still living under the same roof as my ex, at first things were amicable but it eventually turned sour as money inevitably became an issue but I perservered and found myself a little place to live, I lost a lot in the break up but nothing important to me, nothing that couldn’t be replaced.

I was finally out of a bad situation and looking forward to all that lay ahead!

x

x

If you’ve read my blog before you’ll be fully aware I hate diets and ‘fad’ get fit quick schemes, however a friend has pointed me toward a workout which has actually worked for him…it’s a 90 day plan called P90X, since January he’s lost over 3 stones…considering the workout actually helps to build muscle as well as keeping you lean I think that’s amazing!

This is not a workout for the feint hearted I must point out, this is something that you already really should have a moderate fitness level (at least) to even start, it doesn’t involve dieting although the usual sensible advice about eating your 5 a day and cutting down the junk and carbs is strongly advised…and quite rightly so.

The workouts themselves focus on ‘muscle confusion’ basically meaning that you never work on the same muscle groups two days in a row and also you must vary the exercises as often as possible so that the muscles are always working as hard as they can meaning noticable results…fast as your muscles are always working at 100%.

Today is going to be day 1 for me after a farewell sugary alcohol and Junk food binge weekend with my friends (wow that was awesome) I’m about to do my first workout and am really excited…even though I know it is going to hurt so much, each workout lasts roughly an hour and you have to do one a day, every day for 3 months…as I said you really need to want to get fit for this one!

As well as the 1 hour workouts I’m going to walk to work and back everyday like I used to (before I became incredibly lazy)…it’s only just over a mile away but it’s 10 miles of walking a week that I might not have normally done!

After my work out I’m going to let you know how I got on… I’m also going to take some measurements…figured this may spur me on if I see them changing weekly …speaking of being spurred on I’m off on holiday in 4 weeks with my friend and I have a bikini I need to get into…fingers crossed looking at that will keep me going when I’m tired and feel like giving up!

…wish me luck

X

On the plus the views have been much nicer …makes me want a Thornton’s ice-cream, do they even open the ice-cream counter at this time of year? If so come rain, hail or shine on Saturday…I’m having me one of those

X

Well it’s been a while to say the least and I must say I’m in a much better place (both physically and mentally).

Mark and I are back living in Darlington and loving it…we should have done this a year ago (mistakes really are a great teacher) I’ll not dwell on the house business as that, quite frankly, it didn’t happen.

Work is amazing at the minute, I worked my way up in the technical team and by the end was mostly covering as manager…it was a great experience but I needed to move on… I thrive on a good challenge and it just wasn’t one anymore.

I’m still working for the delightful fruit based company but have moved across to the corporate (dark) side dealing with business contracts. It’s much more like past admin/accountancy positions I’ve held…I really felt right at home as soon as I started…and there are challenges daily!

Outside of work I’ve not been anywhere exotic just mainly enjoyed having our own space back, I’ve been baking and knitting, I really am quite content right now.

We bought two Rats for my birthday last month…I know what you’re thinking but you’re probably wrong :p they are so clever and come to you when called, they aren’t smelly and don’t attack the furniture (or run up the curtains/behind the settee when we let them out). I named them Master Splinter and Roland (as I’m still very much a child) they are such little characters it’s unreal Mark and I are currently swatting up on ‘ratty’ facts so that we’re giving them the best care, food, training etc possible…I’ve not thought about mini pigs since getting them

Other than looking after the new additions to the family I’ve been out much more…getting to know the town and just spending more time with friends really, the 9.30-5.30 shift I’m on has made such a huge difference…I can’t wait for the summer, our new house is only s 20 some minute walk away from work so I’m looking forward to the light nights and sunny strolls back from the office, did I mention the new place has a garden too? I’m so excited that I can start growing my own veg! (too excited maybe).

Well I think I’ll stop the rambling about here.

Much more news to report I’m sure but I’ll feed it to you in segments so you don’t drown in my messy thoughts!

Catch you later

X

Decisions need to be made, and made soon.

Problem is it’s the choice of really upsetting people and being able to do what I’ve wanted for so long or just doing nothing and risk regretting not acting now years down the line.

Why isn’t anything simple?

…answers on a postcard please

For the past week I’ve consumed vast amounts of alcohol…eaten far more than I should have and the only excercise I’ve done is a bit of wiggling at the Newton Faulkner gig…did I enjoy it: Yes, am I going to weigh myself: Hell No.

Well other than falling off the wagon although I’m not entirely sure I was ever on, Mark, Abi and I went to see Newton Faulkner last Friday, the gig was amazing, I just love music and think he’s pretty darn good at writing/playing/singing…just entertaining in general…and what made the night extra awesome was the fact that we actually bumped into the man himself whilst having lunch in Nandos! how great was that, he was a thoroughly lovely chap who grinned uncontrollably and even let us geeks have this photo taken with him…

If that didn’t make my week enough I found out that I had been promoted at work, it’s only a small step up, looking after our team when the Manager is on holiday etc but it does mean that when the next Management opportunity arises I will be in with a chance…well a better one anyway, I’m completely made up about it *^_^*…lets hope the next week has many more good things to bring!

TTFN x